Post by savemeimdtba on May 27, 2009 21:06:35 GMT -5
So… I got bad news today. I got an email from my principle saying I needed to call the head of HR so I did. He said that since I had been out on FMLA for so long that my job had been filled… I was shocked. This is not what I was lead to believe would happen… they told me my job would be there for me when I got back. Apparently, this was not the case. He said after 5 weeks of being absent the position gets filled by someone else.. I’m now on a waiting list for the next available position which will most likely not be at my school or in special education. This is a huge county.. so who knows where I’d be sent and I don’t even want to be a regular parapro - I want to be in special education. So, I don’t know what to do..
He also said that at the moment they are LESSENING staff so there aren’t any positions available anyways.. and he’d find a place for me “eventually”. So, what am I supposed to do? Wait? I guess it doesn’t matter.. it was hard enough to get a job being legally blind, no one going to hire someone who also is now on dialysis. Basically, I’m screwed. It’s not fair that I got to spend FOUR months at a job I loved, living on my own, providing for myself - doing exactly what I wanted to do my entire life… for FOUR months. And, that’s all I get? That’s bullshit. It isn’t fair.. I worked so hard to get that job and I loved the teacher and the students and it all went away. How is that fair? I’m 25. Life shouldn’t suck this much..
I guess I’m supposed to be happy that I’m alive.. and I am. I remember how bad it was on Hemo and I’m blessed to be able to do PD and to feel good everyday but I wanted my life back. I didn’t do anything wrong to deserve this shit.. But, I survived that and I’ll survive this - I’m just tired of just surviving… I want to be happy again and feel productive and contribute something to this world. It’s not enough just to live..
And, I know a transplant will happen eventually.. but how long will that take? And who says it’ll even work? Most people get out of those are a good 10-15 years and then you’re back in the same situation. Is this all that life is now? Just trying to sustain it? I admit I was scared to go back to work.. scared this would all get worse and I’d end up in the hospital because some kid gave me the flu. Maybe it’s not meant to be.. but “I” wanted to make that decision. I was not ready to give up on it but it doesn’t matter what I want I guess. Life does what it does and you’re just here.
Anyways, Katie’s coming over tonight to hang out and keep me entertained. She’s sad too so we’ll do depressed girl things and eat chocolate and watch movies and cry and shit… ’cause Lord knows, I’m never done crying.
The company I was working for in Spain is also closing its doors and some of my friends got the axe which really sucks. I hope you find a new and better job soon and that you dont have to move too far away.... =( 
