Post by KarlatheLHFan on Mar 5, 2009 1:00:00 GMT -5
I posted this on my facebook and myspace, but if you've haven't seen it there, I will post it here, and I appreciate any thoughts from anyone, but also fellow perfectionists.
Hey all,
As you know, I've had a recent and very relentless battle with my perfectionism. Don't get me wrong, I've ALWAYS had this problem, but it has really reared its ugly head with the start of graduate school. Its not that I necessarily want everything to be PERFECT, but I do have a major problem with mistakes. As a new social worker, especially to the counseling scene, I've been making quite a few of them, albeit small, they are still mistakes. I don't really understand why I'm like this, particularly with academics. It's really getting to me in field lately because I want my clients to BENEFIT from my suggestions. I really want to do this, but I also want it to be EFFECTIVE. I had a client last week that did not reschedule, and it was a major let down for me because I felt like I had not given her what she needed. I know that this is a MAJOR ISSUE with me, and I'm seeking counseling for this very reason, among many others. Even though I work with very nice staff members, and I have the utmost respect for all of them, I must admit that they do tend to bring on a sense of intimidation. I don't know if it has to do with their enormous amounts of professionalism, or if I'm just particularly envious of their level of intelligence. I'm not saying that I am not intelligent; in fact that's what I'm saying about myself at all. I just feel a little inferior to them in terms of knowing what I'm doing, and I want to learn how to handle the clients as they do. I just feel that they don't make as many mistakes as I have, even when they first started out in the profession. I know it's kind of silly and even artificial to feel that way, but my mind tends to operate in weird and insidious ways at times, though I'm almost confident that this is true of many of my friends, social work, and non- social work. I worked my butt off in undergraduate to come to Tulane with the intention of facing something I've never seen before; I came to New Orleans to shift the dynamics of not only my mind, but my lifestyle. Little do I know, I am here now facing something I've never faced before; I have shifted the dynamics of my mind to think in a way I never thought I was capable of; everyday of my life from now and until the end is going to be set on helping people get the resources they need to prosper, or in some cases to function in society. There are so so many people in this world, and especially in New Orleans, that are lacking the essential resources they need to survive. IE: Food & Water. Yes, we're talking the very basics. I know I am in the right place, and I'm here to stay, unless God forbid, another hurricane forces us out. It may sound odd, but I'm struggling with myself more than anything, and more so than I ever have before. However, this is a sign that I'm enhancing myself in such a way that forces me to grow up and fend for myself in a way. As all of you know, having a disability is sort of a hindrance when you're trying to grow up because you've always had someone taking care of you, and someone to tend to nearly every need you could possibly imagine. That being said, I'm also having a bit of a difficulty, at random times, with being away from my mom. I know it sounds babyish, but I don't think you'd fully understand unless you were in my shoes. So, anyway, yeah, my perfectionist attitude is really kind of ravaging me in a way. Not to mention today was the first day that my supervisor implemented the idea of tape recording my sessions, and my anxiety is extremely high now because I'm scared about what she's going to say. I'm scared that she's going to point of the mistakes I've made, and it just really puts me on edge. If anyone has any suggestions on how I might deal with my pre supervisory jitters, please let me know! Also, I'm completely open to ideas siregarding how to deal with my perfectionism, because sooner or later, it's going to drive me completely off of the edge. It's an intrinsic stessor, and I realize that; it's something I have to deal with on my own and with the aid of my counselor, but if you have anything at all to share, please do so. Finally, I know it's extremely important for those of us that are social workers to remember that we're here for a reason; we came into the profession to help others. When I doubt my decision to become a social worker, (which has happened often in the past), I always reflect on my brutal past, and remember why I'm here in the first place. I was meant to be a social worker, but my ideas and views of "the perfect world" must disappear before I can I become a diligent social worker. My note would not be complete without lyrics to relate to my life.
"In the pain there is healing/ in your name I find meaning/ and I'm still holding/I'm still holding/I'm holding on/barely holding on to you" - "Broken" Lifehouse.
"Don't believe all of the lies they told to you/ not one word was true/ you're all right.
"simon" lifehouse
"i faced my demons wrestling these angels to the ground and all that i could find was a thin line between these saints and villains it was crossed in my own mind. someday i'm gonna find it i wish i knew what i was looking for. inside the disarray. i woke up this morning don't know where i am going but it's alright, i wouldn't have it any other way.
"disarray" lifehouse.
Wow, I can always find an appropriate song. It never ever fails. Some things were just meant to be in your life, and I definitely knew that I was destined to find Lifehouse's music beyond "hanging by a moment"; they are my salvation, through and through. always. I will never let go of this connection.
Suggestions, pretty please??
Hey all,
As you know, I've had a recent and very relentless battle with my perfectionism. Don't get me wrong, I've ALWAYS had this problem, but it has really reared its ugly head with the start of graduate school. Its not that I necessarily want everything to be PERFECT, but I do have a major problem with mistakes. As a new social worker, especially to the counseling scene, I've been making quite a few of them, albeit small, they are still mistakes. I don't really understand why I'm like this, particularly with academics. It's really getting to me in field lately because I want my clients to BENEFIT from my suggestions. I really want to do this, but I also want it to be EFFECTIVE. I had a client last week that did not reschedule, and it was a major let down for me because I felt like I had not given her what she needed. I know that this is a MAJOR ISSUE with me, and I'm seeking counseling for this very reason, among many others. Even though I work with very nice staff members, and I have the utmost respect for all of them, I must admit that they do tend to bring on a sense of intimidation. I don't know if it has to do with their enormous amounts of professionalism, or if I'm just particularly envious of their level of intelligence. I'm not saying that I am not intelligent; in fact that's what I'm saying about myself at all. I just feel a little inferior to them in terms of knowing what I'm doing, and I want to learn how to handle the clients as they do. I just feel that they don't make as many mistakes as I have, even when they first started out in the profession. I know it's kind of silly and even artificial to feel that way, but my mind tends to operate in weird and insidious ways at times, though I'm almost confident that this is true of many of my friends, social work, and non- social work. I worked my butt off in undergraduate to come to Tulane with the intention of facing something I've never seen before; I came to New Orleans to shift the dynamics of not only my mind, but my lifestyle. Little do I know, I am here now facing something I've never faced before; I have shifted the dynamics of my mind to think in a way I never thought I was capable of; everyday of my life from now and until the end is going to be set on helping people get the resources they need to prosper, or in some cases to function in society. There are so so many people in this world, and especially in New Orleans, that are lacking the essential resources they need to survive. IE: Food & Water. Yes, we're talking the very basics. I know I am in the right place, and I'm here to stay, unless God forbid, another hurricane forces us out. It may sound odd, but I'm struggling with myself more than anything, and more so than I ever have before. However, this is a sign that I'm enhancing myself in such a way that forces me to grow up and fend for myself in a way. As all of you know, having a disability is sort of a hindrance when you're trying to grow up because you've always had someone taking care of you, and someone to tend to nearly every need you could possibly imagine. That being said, I'm also having a bit of a difficulty, at random times, with being away from my mom. I know it sounds babyish, but I don't think you'd fully understand unless you were in my shoes. So, anyway, yeah, my perfectionist attitude is really kind of ravaging me in a way. Not to mention today was the first day that my supervisor implemented the idea of tape recording my sessions, and my anxiety is extremely high now because I'm scared about what she's going to say. I'm scared that she's going to point of the mistakes I've made, and it just really puts me on edge. If anyone has any suggestions on how I might deal with my pre supervisory jitters, please let me know! Also, I'm completely open to ideas siregarding how to deal with my perfectionism, because sooner or later, it's going to drive me completely off of the edge. It's an intrinsic stessor, and I realize that; it's something I have to deal with on my own and with the aid of my counselor, but if you have anything at all to share, please do so. Finally, I know it's extremely important for those of us that are social workers to remember that we're here for a reason; we came into the profession to help others. When I doubt my decision to become a social worker, (which has happened often in the past), I always reflect on my brutal past, and remember why I'm here in the first place. I was meant to be a social worker, but my ideas and views of "the perfect world" must disappear before I can I become a diligent social worker. My note would not be complete without lyrics to relate to my life.
"In the pain there is healing/ in your name I find meaning/ and I'm still holding/I'm still holding/I'm holding on/barely holding on to you" - "Broken" Lifehouse.
"Don't believe all of the lies they told to you/ not one word was true/ you're all right.
"simon" lifehouse
"i faced my demons wrestling these angels to the ground and all that i could find was a thin line between these saints and villains it was crossed in my own mind. someday i'm gonna find it i wish i knew what i was looking for. inside the disarray. i woke up this morning don't know where i am going but it's alright, i wouldn't have it any other way.
"disarray" lifehouse.
Wow, I can always find an appropriate song. It never ever fails. Some things were just meant to be in your life, and I definitely knew that I was destined to find Lifehouse's music beyond "hanging by a moment"; they are my salvation, through and through. always. I will never let go of this connection.
Suggestions, pretty please??
. I'd also like to know if anybody has an HD copy of Lifehouse at Pinkpop 2003. BY far their best concert ever