Any advice on how to handle death

[Minka]

As some (or the most) of you know, my cat Tiger did pass away in March, he was everything to me and I loved and still love him more then anyone else.
So it’s been a bit over 5 month (23 weeks this Friday) and I still can’t get over it. I do feel a bit better, but it’s really not much (at least the stabbing pain in the heart is gone) and everyone is expecting that I’m over it, but I don’t know how. And all the pushing me is making me only back out and stop talking with everyone and they’re just no help at all.

It’s just that I’ve been fighting, with him, his diseases for almost 6 month and I gave my life up for him, to spend my time with him and to be there for him and now I just don’t know what to do and how to go on without my lil Baby..

Does anyone have maybe some advice on how to make myself feel better?
Going to the movies, shopping and such things didn’t help at all, not even my short vacations. I pretty much just don’t give a damn about anything and I know that this has to change.

Maybe new cats would help me a bit, but I don’t have €1500 for the cats that I want (a curly red Selkirk Rex, named Woolstenhulme, and a brown/white British Shorthair, named Pacino ) and I don’t want a cat from the shelter, because they usually have FIV (it’s the “cat aids”) and I know that I couldn’t handle it if my cat would pass away from that.

So if anyone has some advice I’d be thankful for it.

[savemeimdtba]

Aww Minka.. ::hugs:: I don't really have any advice since i haven't dealt with death that closely. I do know that everyone deals with things in their own time and way so hopefully you'll figure out something to get you out of this. I'm sending you good vibes <3

[klein]

I don't think there's a quick and easy solution for you I think all it takes is time really. You might never get over it completely. I remember when my budgie Mickey flew away when I was 10 I was devastated (I still have a huge scar on my left leg from when I jumped over that fence running after him, to remind me of that day). As funny as it sounds but I still think of him pretty much every day. He was the best bird ever. He was able to talk which is unusual for little birds like that and he could do some tricks on command and when you were sad he'd fly on your shoulder and drink your tears I miss him. So I know how you feel. But I don't really have any better advice except to give it time.

[KarlatheLHFan]

Minka,
Don't worry, your feelings of yearning and emptiness are completely normal. Believe me, I lost a dog 5 years ago, and I'm still not over him. The truth is, you never get over the person or animal. You may feel like you have gotten over it, but on the inside, there's always going to be this empty void in your heart that is saved and meant to remain empty just for that special person or animal that has left you. The truth is, as long as you keep the animal in your mind and your heart, you'll always be able to treasure them in a special way. It may be a special way that others may not comprehend or understand, but it's special to you because only YOU were there to treasure the times that you and your cat spent together. I know it's hard, but sometimes, if you're able to focus on the good times you've had rather than the bad and times before its death, you're able to, in a way, divert your attention. I know what losing an animal is like. When I lost my dog to sickness 5 years ago, I cried so long and so hard that I literally could not breathe. So, I not only empathize with you, I sympathize. Just hang in there!!!

[aminta]

I guess it's only time that heals our wounds, Minka.
I read about people who were suffering b/c of a close friend/ a loved persons death. The time of the mourning is necesarry because you have to learn how to deal with the loss, the pain and loneliness. But it shouldn't last too long. Even if your cat wasn't a person, I believe Tiger loved you (although many Psichologists don't believe animals do) and your little baby wouldn't want to see you so unhappy. From what I read it is really important, almost crucial to make a radical change in your life to cope with such a big loss. After a long time of mourning, you have to make a step into the brand new world. So did my grandfather when he lost his great love - my grandma. He was devasted, but after a while he changed many things in his environment and he got some new skills, too. He started cooking! He painted the walls differentely, changed the furniture etc so he could begin the new life. But in the meantime he ordered a big painting portraying my grandma when she was just a teenager. So it was not so that he has forgotten her. He's still in love with her, although he widowed almost 14 years ago! But for sure all these changes helped him a lot and all our family saw that. I'm not sure it's a good example for you, but I hope you'll figure out your own way.
And you know, you always have Lifehouse to listen to in times of sadness and despair. We all need them from time to time, don't we?
Take care, I'll be thinking about you.

[liz4600]

I agree with everyone else, time heals all wounds, my grandma died 8 years ago and I was pretty close to her she was like a mother to me and I am still not over it, I do feel better about the situation and I've embraced my life the way it is without her but it still hurts & I miss her a lot.
What I did to deal with her death was that I turned to my mom, and she was a huge help, I also cried anytime I wanted to because I needed it & I shut myself from the world and I focused on letting her go, moving on & accepting the fact that I was still here for a reason and I had a lot to live but I wasn't meant to live all the things that would come my way with her.

And that helped me but it might not work for you because we all have different ways to deal with death but I do believe what Kristi said :that we all deal with things in our time & I believe that there's nothing in our lives that we can't solve.

Just know that if you ever need to talk or anything we're here for you...and I know you'll find a way to get through this

[RunningAway]

just take as long as you need. i don't think you'll ever get over completely...and i don't think you want to. i've had deaths in the family, but i know i'll be devasted when my cats die, especially Boots who's my little buddy and i've had since i was 3. i can say that crying is good. it gets out emotions so that they don't build up. cry when you need to, don't hold it in. i hope you feel better.

[gurlnlifemagazine]

Do you want to get over or move on? Because when it comes to death I don't think you ever get over. I've never gotten over my mother's death and she's been dead for 22 years now. I have learned to move on with my life. Honestly Minka, I think you've just stopped living for yourself. I think you just need to move on and find your own joy.

[Minka]

Thanks everyone